Anxiety is the opposite of depression. There is a reason that Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" became such a classic. We felt the sadness and remorse with character Ebeneezer Scrooge when he
revisited his past as he watched himself making his foolish choices over again. We felt apprehension and and heightened fear of his future facing a life as a lonely old man, a funeral with no guests and fire and brimstone to welcome him at the end of his mortal life because of his misdeeds.
Depression is the re-living of our past. The feelings of regret, remorse and no hope of reconciliation for the wrongs we have committed. Anxiety is the fear of the future, the unknown the uncertainty that awaits us just around the corner. So, if anxiety is the opposite of depression, where do we find the middle and how do we get out of our anxious state?
Imagine if you will, an anvil, similar to the one that always seems to strike Wiley Coyote out of the blue from Loony Tunes. Oh wait, this is the internet. I'll give you a picture! Here...
Okay, now imagine yourself standing upright, bent at the waist but you are not bending forward, you are bending backward, far enough back to feel unsteady but upright just enough to keep from falling. Your arms are outstretched to grab hold of the closest thing next to you to keep you from falling. But you don't fall. Some unknown force is keeping you from making impact with the ground below you. Now, turn your attention to the front of your body. Imagine this anvil resting ever so slightly on the breadth of your chest. This anvil is attached to a rope that is stretched to its capacity. You can see the middle of the rope splitting and beginning to fray while you simultaneously feel the weight of the stone sitting heavily upon you, just below your collar bone. You are pinned, you are frozen and there is nothing you can do about it. You can see and hear the rope snapping and cracking. Suddenly the ringing in your ears become loud and screeching. (Sorry. As soon as you read that, you'll really notice the ringing in your ears right about now because I brought it up). Your chest feels physical pressure and you fear the rope attached to the anvil will snap at any moment. You know your rib cage will cave in and your sternum will break in half if that anvil is released. You find it harder and harder to breathe against the cool stone pressed against your skin. Your stomach revolts in protest and your mind is spinning. How do you survive this, how do you get out of this impending doom?
So many mornings I wake up feeling this way. I wake with this anvil on my chest. Did you know that the reason nightmares are called nightmares is because in old folk lore tradition, it was believed that a horse, a dark mare, would ride into your bedroom and sit upon your chest that caused your worst fears and anxieties to unfold? Thus the term: nightmare. This morning I woke up with this anvil on my chest.
There are changes happening at my place of work, positive changes but changes nonetheless, and there are stressful events transpiring at home, positive events but still stressful. Logically I know I can handle them. Emotionally, my mind is playing tricks on me. Logically I know my mind is playing tricks on me and yet this anvil followed me to work anyway. The rope still tight, still splitting, still fraying, still cracking and there is no relief. The anvil won't fall to get it over with and I can't get out from under it.
So I had some options this morning. I could have called in sick but if I did that every time this happened, I can assure you, I wouldn't have a job. I could have taken deep breaths over and over again - in through my nose, out through my mouth but that tends to make me light headed and doing that while driving probably is not the best idea. I could have meditated, again, that is not the best idea either considering I left my house thinking the anvil would stay there and yet it didn't. So driving in my car and closing my eyes to get to my inner self... probably not the best option.
This anvil, this anxiety, this weight suddenly has my undivided attention. And at that moment, the moment when I realize my anxiety shifts from my unknown future to my inability to function I know that I am immediately risking another panic attack. Panic attacks suck too by the way. Once you are in the throws of a panic attack, they are difficult to get out of and recover from. Once a panic attack hits you, your brain lights up like a Christmas tree - everything going off all at once, fight or flight responses kick into high gear and your body shuts down and immobilizes you. You get so lost in your mind that you don't know how to find your way back out. Yes, panic attacks suck.
So, I'll tell you a secret. I'll tell you how to get out from underneath this anvil. I'll tell you how to escape your worst panic attacks. Are you listening?
What is the missing component from the Charles Dickens' example I gave you moments ago?
Well, it isn't the past and it isn't the future. Yes! the PRESENT! The Now! You MUST get back to the present.
Now I will warn you, this seems a simple task but when you are heightened with anxiety and lost in your own mind surrounded with panic, finding the present is not easy, in fact it is very difficult because your mind is running away from you and you cannot catch it. You must realize that you can leave this place and return to the present. Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I see right now?
Example: A wall
What color is the wall?
Example: White
What do I hear right now?
Example: Traffic
What else do I hear right now?
Example: My fingers tapping across the keyboard
What does my body feel right now?
Example: The earrings hanging from my ears
What else do I feel?
Example: The keyboard underneath my palms
What else do I feel?
Example: My legs crossed over one another
Recite to yourself "I am not there, I am here. I am not in the past. I am not in the future. I am here. Right now I am getting from point A to point B and I will get there. Right now I am okay."
The first few times this happens to you, if you cannot do it on your own, give someone these instructions ahead of time. Someone you trust to can walk you through these moments. This confidant asks you the questions out loud, you answer them out loud. You will need their help until you can get it down on your own.
When you realize that your body is in the present and you recognize all the tangible things around you, you have successfully slipped out from underneath that anvil. You have successfully escaped the trappings of your mind. The next time you are weighted down, pinned and unable to escape, try this and see if it works for you. I don't have any scientific studies to back this up. The only thing I have to tell you is that it works for me and chances are it will probably work for you too.
Anxiety sucks! Panic attacks suck! The good news is, there is a way through it. Trust yourself enough to emerge on the other side because you will. One way or another, you will.
~Elizabeth~
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