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Update on
The Winds
of Change
Post
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He apologized that I thought he was angry that morning and told me that he wasn't angry. He said he was sorry that I perceived him to be that way because we couldn't find my keys. He sincerely apologized for any upset he might have caused me.
I honestly believe that when the bipolar switches occur, the bipolar person himself, does not recognize that the switch happened. I believe, and have heard commentary from bipolar individuals first hand, that manic depressive people feel more comfortable and "more like themselves" when they are in a manic or a depressive state. They feel normal in these states. They feel normal when they are manic - overly happy, anxious or stressed out. They feel normal when they are depressed - tired, sleepy, broody and hopeless. The times that these individuals don't feel normal is when they are stable. They do not feel normal when they can actually view the glass as half full instead of the other way around. It is an odd concept to consider. It is a hard thing to come to terms with the idea that a bipolar person is less comfortable in stable moods verses swinging moods.
The task then falls onto the spouse point out the varying mood swings for the bipolar person to see and recognize. First, the spouse must decide if she will point the mood swings out to him. While weighing this decision she realizes that her partner could react in a number of ways. He could become defensive and argumentative. He could be accommodating and apologetic. He could deny the claim. He could be confused at the claim. Preparing for one response is challenging. Preparing for more than one response can be down right intimidating.
In the end, it can anger the spouse or children in the home when a bipolar individual chooses the swinging moods over the stable moods because he or she is more comfortable in that state.
Every bipolar person always has a choice. That power of choice is never taken from them. Bipolar individuals can choose to relinquish their power of choice it in moments of despair or fits of anger but it is never at any time taken from them. Of the largest arguments that DH and I have had within the walls of our home have been about choices made. Choosing to take medication. Choosing to overcome the moods and choosing something better, something stable.
I am not saying it is easy. I am certainly not saying it can happen over night. I am not saying that there are not large, sometimes seemingly insurmountable obstacles to overcome in making this choice. This choice of stability. I am not saying that bipolar individuals can always choose level moods on their own. What I am saying, is that it can be done. So very often, bipolar individuals NEED the help of medication to help them get to the point where they can make this choice of stability. With the chemical imbalances in their brain, there are times when they get stuck so deep in the thick mud of manic and depressive swings that they can't choose on their own. They have to have medication to help them get unstuck. The medication loosens them enough to be able to make a conscious choice of who they are and how they want to behave. Now, once they are on this medication, this regiment that helps balance the chemical imbalance in their body, they CAN choose differently. This is where couples fight the most. The line is often blurred. One spouse knows the other spouse has control and choice and yet the bipolar spouse chooses not to exercise control over their own behaviors.
Last night, after our conversation, after addressing together that I feel his bipolar season is upon us, after dinner and after my exercise workout, DH lost his iPhone. This is very unlike him. I was amazed at his ability to control his temper last night. He did not panic. He did not become overly anxious. He did not become angry. He simply asked the family to help him look. After about ten or fifteen minutes the phone was found. There was no emotional clean up that had to take place. There was no damage done. The phone was lost and it was found. End of story. I am so impressed and proud of DH for his mood control and behavior control in a seemingly stressful situation. I am thankful and grateful to him for exercising his power to choose last night. He chose to keep a level head and maintain control of his anxiety and frustration at the loss of his phone.
As hard as it is, bipolar individuals need to know that their behavior, their mood swings are effecting those around them every day. They need to know that their choice to be stable in behavior and mood allows the home in which they live to be stable because of their stability.
I love DH very much and I am grateful we were able to communicate and see results last night.
~Elizabeth~
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