My Monster

Poetry Corner

This Blog Post was not authored by me, Elizabeth. This post was authored completely by KC. He posted this exact post on Facebook on February 1st, 2017. I want to preserve his emotions in my blog because I find his words profound, deep and moving. 

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First - I'm OK...  

Second - only a few of my close friends know this about me.  I'm Bipolar and this is also why my speech is slow, I shake and I get dizzy easily <picture Jack Sparrow if you will>. I have a hard time finding words and it makes me look slow and unintelligent.

Being Bipolar is scary its unpredictable at times.  My wife Elizabeth and the kids hop on the Bipolar Roller Coaster, it's difficult to get off the coaster and is not as fun as it sounds.

I wrote this poem showing what it's like.  I call the poem "My Monster".  

"My Monster"

~Authored by KC~
Originally Composed February 1st, 2017

I wear the mask of normalcy 

While inside torn apart

Like a thief in the night... 

Reality become a crime. 

I awake each day not knowing

What mood will awaken. 

As I try hard to not let My Monster,

Take control of my head, some days 

Without warning My Monster takes all of me instead.

Each night as My Monster comes to visit

I’m afraid it will show the ugliness and hatefulness
And anger that My Monster always has in tow.

Each time this feeling hits me,

Inside my head I shout, stop, go away

Never come back, stay out!

I feel as though I’m losing it,

Falling off the edge.

But somehow, someway, I manage to just teeter on that edge.

My heart starts pounding, my mind races, 

My thoughts are out of control,

I feel as though I’m someone else

And it's trying to take my soul.

I know if I hang in there, myself will reappear

And just as quickly as My Monster started, 

My Monster just might disappear.

I do and say things I regret, and to myself that’s a threat

I feel at times that no one truly understands 

Because even I have questions, 

So how could others understand. 

There are many times, I've tried and wanted to give up and give in

But that would be giving into My Monster and I feel that a sin. 

Bipolar is a disorder that consumes your every thought, 

And when in the grasp of My Monster's strong control,

You say things, do things, and act in ways you never thought were possible.

The thought of My Monster having control is almost an unbearable thought.

People just don’t understand,

That My Monster comes and My Monster goes, when we least expect it. 

My Monster can cause a seemingly normal, dare I say, Person, to sin, invoke violence, and literally lose their mind.

But with the right care and medicine,

The holder of My Monster within 

Can live a life as close to normal,

As we will ever be allowed.

Never quit, and never give in,...

My worst fear is My Monster will win!

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