Suicide - Fighting the Fight

Precursor to this post: On September 29th, 2015, I wrote a post which follows this precursor. Recent events have happened to further solidify my position written specifically in relation to suicide. DH and I argued about me posting this particular post a year and a half ago. I never did post it. I felt held back, angry and frustrated but my honor to him, to respect him, to exercise discretion and confidentiality as I promised him when I started this blog was more important to me than the blog itself.

To be honest, I am nervous to publish this post even now. You see, bipolar often runs in families and left untreated it makes a person ill enough to lose their life to the bipolar illness. Choosing to publish this post not only affects me and DH, but this post potentially affects extended family members as we mourn the loss of a sister, a daughter, a friend and her children have lost their mother. DH's sister, my sister-in-law (SIL) has lost her battle to bipolar illness. This past weekend, we bid our farewells to her one last time during her memorial service. Our grief is heavy, subdued and painful as we absorb the reality of the loss of this beautiful woman.

As friends and family have struggled to come to terms with her sudden departure from this life to the next, many do not understand the complexities of bipolar illness and what could possibly drive a person to take their own life. Could it really be that bad?

While I do not pretend or purport in any fashion whatsoever to know what my SIL was thinking, feeling, experiencing or rationalizing in her final moments; while I will never speculate as to what drove her to that final point in her life; I can tell you what I have experienced with her brother, my husband, DH.

I have asked DH to read this post again after a year and a half. I have asked for his permission to post the draft that has been waiting all this time to be published.

September 29th, 2015:
To be quite frank, in the last couple of weeks, it is the boldest I have ever been in facing the issue of suicide. It was a week and a half ago that I decided to participate in the Suicide Prevention Walk put on by The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. It was almost an urgent decision, as if the moment I decided I wanted to do it, I had to register right away. I texted DH (husband) and DD1 (oldest daughter) and asked them if we could do it together. The moment they said yes, I immediately registered our family to participate.

Last week, a very good friend of mine invited me to attend a suicide prevention training meeting. In an instant I accepted, texted DH and told him I wouldn't be home tonight. I'd be attending this meeting instead.

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PTSD: An Understanding

The last time I posted anything on this blog was in mid-October. I then took the post back down. It was about a fight DH and I had had. It was posted in bad form and in anger and I probably shouldn't have done it.

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In September I attended the National Suicide Prevention Awareness community event and walked with over two thousand people in a united plight of sorrow, thanksgiving, awareness, celebration of life and recognition of the fragile lives who's journey ended too soon.

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